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 Review #4741729 |
 | The Cutting Edge  [E] Who's the best Ice Skater?  |
| (4.5)| Hi StephBee , This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Why I chose to review your item: I am reviewing this in celebration of your WDC account anniversary. These are the things I loved about your story:  Your writing style is really easy to fall inside. It is interesting and vivid, from the various ice dancing steps, to the feelings of attraction between Yuri and Alyssa. This makes your writing very enjoyable. You do a fantastic job with sketching your characters. The way you show their feelings for one another, the instant attraction, is so nice to read. I love this couple, and I just know, if it were true, they would end up together with their own troupe of mini ice dancers. Oh, I have to mention Yuri's cobalt blue eyes. They sound delicious! The action and plot of the story is told through ice dancing, and that is clever. You show the two dancers "duelling" and mimicking one another, getting progressively faster and more complicated, and it feels like that is the same for their feelings. Their racing heartbeats, eye contact throughout. The attraction is undeniable (although, both Russian and American coaches would have liked to deny it if they could). It feels almost forbidden, because of the different countries and the rivalry between the teams, but they don't care. I love how they decide they shouldn't deny themselves something that could be wonderful because of what other people think. A great lesson to be learned there. Suggestions: I have a couple of grammatical suggestions. Firstly, "The Sochi Iceberg Skating Palace was a huge – a skater’s dream venue." - I would say to take out the "a" after "was." So switch it to the Palace "was huge - a skater's dream venue." The other ting I would change is: "When she didn’t come tonight, she would make a fool out of him." - You write this from Yuri's POV. In this sentence he is thinking about whether Alyssa will come to watch him and worrying about how he would be embarrassed if she didn't. So, I think it would work better to say, "If she didn't come." "When" makes it sound as though he is predicting the absolute future, like he 100% knows she won't be there. Parting comments: This is a lovely romantic story. I don't think I've ever read a romance set on ice before. I enjoyed it very much. Happy anniversary! Choconut   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/04/2024 @ 11:37am EDT