%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4741493 |
 | Divided by Miles (A Lost Love Poem)  [E] My friend suggested that I share this poem so it can receive the attention it deserves.  |
| (4.5)| Hi MCrewDude , This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. What I liked:  The joyful feeling of love is clear from the very start of this poem. I love how it sounds almost like it is going to be a fantasy-style poem. I felt like kings and knights wouldn't have been amiss in there. I think I imagined that because of your writing, "He from east and she from west," along with the mention of a map. (Perhaps it also has something to do with the fact that I'm taking part in "Game of Thrones" at the moment.) The physical distance is tough. I'm from the UK, and so to say that the distance between east and west is too large wouldn't be the same as in the U.S. I can relate, though, because my husband is American, and lived in Tucson, AZ, and I lived in the south west of England, when we met. The relationship between you and your friend is beautifully expressed. It is enhanced by the smooth delivery of each line. You have used an aabb, ccdd, etc. rhyme scheme, and this gives the poem a great fluidity. It flows off the tongue, and I love it when that happens. My favourite line is this: "To stand beside you under the Mojave sky." This creates such a lovely visual. I also love your parting line of, "For in each other’s hearts, we found a special place." I think most people will understand how it feels to find that person with whom they can be completely at peace.Suggestions: I have a couple of minor grammar suggestions. "We grew close heart to heart." You need a comma after "close" because it doesn't read right without one. Also, "Sharing dreams, hopes, and the deepest fears." I think this line is a bit out of step with the overall rhythm of the poem. I would say you could fix it by either taking out "the" or by adding "of" between "deepest" and "fears." Lastly, I have a question, and please, tell me to mind my own business if you want. Have the two of you ever met in person? I'm fascinated to know. Your love story has captured my imagination. Parting comments: This poem appealed to me greatly. I always admire people who can write lovingly about their loved ones. I find it incredibly difficult. You have written a beautiful poem, though. Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 04/03/2024 @ 11:29am EDT