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 Review #4741293 |
 | Worm Moon  [13+] Writer's Cramp - 4-25 Contest  |
| (4.0)| Hallo Jolly Jingle Jtpete ! I will be reviewing your work "Worm Moon" on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: This is a story that follows the mystery of a red quartz necklace and its effect on a village, and its occupants, that vanishes mysteriously. It's a case that remains unsolved for thousands of years. The story was written for a writing challenge where given phrases for prompts had to be used within. Pluses:It's never easy to tell a full story using only dialogue without confusing the heck out of the reader. So, kudos on managing to pull that off with this story. Second, you were able to weave in three different timelines with this one; allowing the reader to go from the birth of the mystery, in what I'm guessing is the medieval era - to the present day with all of modern technology in its glory. The first section tells of two (probably) witches who live in a village ruled by a Spiritcaster. However, it's the discovery of a unique necklace that causes a stir; where the finder believes that the rock used had fallen from the sky. Naturally, this does not sit well with the Spiritcaster, and a stoning of the heretic is ordered. The second section fast forwards to the 1940s, I presume, where archaeologists have discovered the remnants of a skull; evidence of the stoning that transpired all those years ago, and yet there's the mystery of finding anything about the village itself. One would expect bodies to be found at that location, but there is nothing there. Fast forward to the present day, and we meet scientists/archaeologists who are still in search of the mystery behind the disappearing village, only this time, it seems that a higher governing body is doing its best to prevent others from knowing the real reason behind it. One of the scientists assumes it might have had something to do with a lunar eclipse, but the mystery will continue to remain unsolved. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >> "The red (rose) quartz appears to be a necklace fragment >> The last few paragraphs of your story has some formatting issues - a writing ML tag is not properly closed off - and some paragraphs need to be seperated. You also did not put the last line as a part of the dialogue, as I assume one of the characters was still talking.    Well done with your short mystery tale. It was an enjoyable read and did make me curious to know more. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!    Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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