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Review #4741221
Viewing a review of:
 Home Alone With A Ghost Open in new Window. [E]
Short scary story about something that happened to me. If you enjoyed, leave some gp
by Tenebris Author Icon
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*Exclaim* Wow! What a chilling tale you wrote! Was this a true story? I had the impression from your brief introduction that it might very well be. Gee Wiz! I'm going to be taking a good look around if I awake in the night! This is the type of story that lingers in the mind. You told it in a creative way. It reminded me of a scary story that might be told at camp at night around a fire. Well done.

The title you chose was perfect for this story. The narrator was, indeed, home alone with a ghost. I wondered if the ghost was a ghost of the grandparent, or maybe of someone the grandparent knew. I then wondered if the ghost might have been attracted to the ashes which had been in the grandparent's bedroom. Either way, you are a good story teller.

I was captivated with every word throughout, and I liked the closure you brought to the end.

I think this story could be polished up so that it is presented better.

I would, for example, break it up into paragraphs, leaving space here and there. What I would do, is end the 'first paragraph', with this ending sentence: " What I saw shook me to my core." In my opinion, that would make it a good hook paragraph to make people want to continue reading. Double-space and continue to the next paragraph. This will make your story easier to read.

I would then end the next paragraph with, "hoping to God that it wouldn't be able to get to me." I would then, double-space and continue breaking up the story into spaces and paragraphs as in those examples.

Lastly, it might be a good idea to put your story through a grammar scan program to finish the polishing up.

Other than that, you should keep writing stories. You are talented at it. *Smile*


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*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Game of Thrones Open in new Window. [13+]
Closed until further notice...
by Creeper Of The Realm Author Icon




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