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Review #4741019
Viewing a review of:
Rush Hour Open in new Window. [13+]
A woman dealing with the loss of a loved one.
by Sophurky Author Icon
Review of Rush Hour  Open in new Window.
Review by .Jeremy. Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WRITING.COMmunity Service  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Sophurky

You are receiving this review of "Rush HourOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Gem* Areas of Strength

The story effectively conveys the emotional turmoil Kate experiences as she grapples with her father's illness. The flashback sequences add depth to her character, showing the reader the complexity of her relationship with her father and the impact of his condition on her life. The description of Kate's memories of her father's love and dedication, contrasted with her present feelings of guilt and obligation, creates a poignant portrayal of familial love and sacrifice.

Kate's character is well-developed through her actions, thoughts, and interactions with others. Her decision to prioritize time with her father despite her own fears and exhaustion demonstrates her love and loyalty, making her a relatable and sympathetic character that I really connected with. Kate's internal struggle, as she debates whether to go home or visit her father, reveals her internal conflict and highlights her selflessness and devotion.

The story explores the theme of family bonds and the impact of illness and loss on relationships. Through Kate's experiences, the reader is reminded of the importance of cherishing time with loved ones and the strength that comes from familial support. The scene with the father and daughter on the bench serves as a poignant reminder of the enduring nature of family bonds, mirroring Kate's own relationship with her father and adding depth to the story's themes.


*Gem* Areas for Improvement

The story could benefit from smoother transitions between Kate's memories and her present situation. For example, when Kate recalls her father's vigil at her mother's bedside, the shift back to the present could be more seamless. Adding a brief reflection or observation from Kate about the parallels between her parents' relationship and her own could help bridge the two timeframes. After reminiscing about her father's devotion to her mother, Kate could glance at the father and daughter on the bench, prompting a moment of introspection before she decides to leave for the hospital.

Enhancing the description of Kate's emotions and the atmosphere of the subway station could further immerse the reader in the scene. For instance, when Kate reflects on her father's illness, adding details about her physical reactions or the sights and sounds of the station could deepen the reader's connection to her experience. Instead of simply stating Kate's frustration, describe how her heart races and her palms sweat as she navigates the crowded platform, emphasizing the chaotic nature of rush hour.

While the dialogue effectively conveys the interactions between characters, adding nuances to their speech patterns could make it more authentic. Each character could have a distinct voice that reflects their personality and background. Instead of using generic phrases like "I can't leave, Katie," consider how her father's speech might be more colloquial or poignant, reflecting his emotional state and relationship with Kate.



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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


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