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 Review #4740944 |
  This is a "Game of Thrones"  review!Hello, ashok25!  Overall Impression:I enjoyed the thought-provoking message you have provided for the reader to reflect on. Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:The way you have designed the lines works very well for free verse. Each piece flows well into the next and creates an effective story. There is a nice ebb and flow through the poem, and I particularly like the hard stop with I hear it. It not only forces the reader to pause but it makes the writer's position on the matter come across as passionate and thoughtful about the subject at hand. It almost feels like a challenge to the reader, and can almost be considered a veiled second question--a sort of "why don't you hear it?" I also enjoy how you have started and ended the poem with a question. The end question resonates much like the "I hear it" line. It's written as a rhetorical question, but it really isn't. It hits the reader as a more global take on "How can any of us hold our heads high?" Content:For such a small poem, it has a big impact. While I appreciate your attempt to do something for younger generations, it saddens me to know that so many people cannot be bothered or do only the bare minimum to soothe their consciences. It's an important topic to write about and to encourage readers to explore. Grammar and Mechanics:I don't often comment on the mechanics of poetry, but I like the punctuation you used. It helped the thoughts read properly while still providing places to think. If I were to make one suggestion: you've used the word future twice in two lines. It seems to make the most sense to keep it in "brighter future", and swap out the repeat in the next line for something else. Final Thoughts:This is an excellent example of how short and simple can be as effective as long and complex. Great work! Thank you for sharing your work with us! JayNaNoOhNo   My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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You responded to this review 04/02/2024 @ 2:37am EDT