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 Review #4740899 |
 | Loop  [E] Walking forward doesn't mean you're getting anywhere.  |
| (4.5)| Hallo BattaDratchev ! I will be reviewing your work "Loop" on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: This is a story about a character who has awakened from something and finds themselves walking aimlessly down an empty street in a world that now appears devoid of any other fellow human. They desperately try to understand how they ended up in this situation and why things appear to be in an endless loop. Pluses:First off, this line was absolutely spot on: >>Snow crystals crush and pop like tiny frigid fireworks Excellent use of sound/imagery here. It already lets me know that I'm in for a story, no matter how short, that is going to show me exactly what the main character is experiencing. I was not disappointed. Their thinking is 'off'- nothing seems to make sense and they appear to be trying to fit in the missing pieces as best as possible. So far, all we can tell is that something happened to this society where everyone was taken away with no real warning. Some emergency has caused everyone to be forced out of their homes without taking a single personal item with them. Why? And why was the narrator, and his crew, sent out to find any anomalies? What anomalies? Who sent them? What was the purpose of this exercise in the first place? So while we puzzle ourselves with these questions, the narrator still continues on his endless walk, where we are confronted with a chilling twist at the end. I, literally, had goosebumps after reading it. And you know what? I'm dying to know more now because I think this story has so much potential to be expanded into something else. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>After walking for fifteen minutes (,) my mind keeps >>My partners and I were brought in a big van, all of us together inside like we’re sardines. I think it reads a little better without it. >>I’m in a snow globe, the tiny little occupant of a snow globe, I’m half-expecting someone to shake everything and stir the snow until it drifts around everywhere. This was a bit of a confusing section to read; perhaps you could try: I'm in a snow globe; the tiny little occupant of a snow globe. I'm half-expecting someone to shake everything and stir the snow until it drifts around everywhere.    Unfortunately, you've not been online in some time. However, should you choose to return and you stumble upon this review, I do hope you consider expanding this story. You write quite well and this tale has so many possibilities. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 11:49pm EDT