~For easier reading, it's nice to split up the paragraphs and any dialog with a blank line. Along the way, I found some repeated words within the same section. For instance with this part: It was a Sunday, and Sunday was ... Once it's established, you don't have to mention the day again because the reader can remember. There's also other spots with it, so to catch these areas, try to read it out loud.

~Keep an eye on the dialog tags. Sometimes they're not needed. In this instance, we know from the beginning that the mother and daughter are talking so we do not need to be reminded again. You also don't need a dialog tag about being 'queried' because the mother was asking a question, so we can figure that out.

~One tip for you. You've got one of the genres listed as 'Activity' and this is usually used for when someone is hosting an activity on here. I think 'Sports' would cover it, and you would get more visits to your story!