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Review #4740783
Viewing a review of:
Relief  [E]
They're finally safe.
by Auri Johnson
Review of Relief  
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Review of Relief by Auri Johnson

Wow, creepy. I hope that's what you were aiming for because, if so, you've succeeded spectacularly. The whole thing is amazingly descriptive of paranoia and deals very well with the process of surviving it. Perhaps it's something we all have had at least some experience of.

The reason this is so effective, however, is in the last three lines. Otherwise it's almost clinical in it's precise descriptions, it's understanding of the feelings induced, and the struggles to overcome the thing. Then suddenly we are cast into doubt and the darkness is that much deeper at the horrific turn of events.

Which brings me to your description of what the piece is. You're keeping that very quiet, aren't you? Really, you need to give the reader a handle of some kind to allow the decision to read or not to be made. Contest, Other tells me nothing. Nor does Fiction. Change those (I would suggest Horror, Dark, and Supernatural) and immediately your audience will increase. And that's what it's all about, isn't it? We write to communicate and, if we're not being heard...

You certainly know how to grab hold of a reader and keep them reading until the end. The introduction, flow, pace and development of the story is quite masterful, and you leave me with almost nothing (apart from labelling) to suggest as improvement. A font size one step larger would help, I can say that. Wonderful work, most enjoyable.

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