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Review #4740686
Viewing a review of:
 Elizabeth's Soft Play Incident! Open in new Window. [13+]
A young woman gets herself stuck in a hole in a soft play while looking after her niece.
by Kieran1998 Author Icon
Review by 👼intuey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Kieran1998! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Reading*This is a cute story. The situation was clearly explained so I could envision each scene as I read. You did a great job with your main character. I was able to get to know her through her words and actions. How many times has our pride got us into situations we didn't want to be in? *Laugh*

When she got stuck, I couldn't help but chuckle. You described the scene perfectly. I could see her legs kicking back and forth, with her bare side shining.

The close relationship between Elizabeth and her niece was also prevalent.

*Tackb* I do have a few suggestions below. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

Your intro doesn't need to be Non-E. There's nothing that may be offensive in your title or description.

Also, in your three genres, I would add drama, and action/adventure categories along with your comedy. Writing and Other does not pull in any readers. A lot of people find items to read by searching genres.

*Books5* glasses wearing

glasses-wearing

*Note* "auntie Elizabeth,

Capitalize all "Aunties"

*Bookstack* There's several places you need commas before the 'ands'

black tights and

top of it and said,

hole and after

backside and legs

wiggled and pushed

tights and joked,

*Notepady* as she then stuck her head

Delete 'as'

*Books2* half way

half-way

*Penb* but you keep enjoyed yourself

but you keep enjoying yourself

*Bookstack3* young girl quickly fixed

young girl quickly exited

*Peng* dress had blow up,

dress had blown up

*Bookstack2* before asking for as the

The above seems out of place. I'd delete it.

*Peno* "I'm so sorry miss that I hurt you, miss, I didn't mean but

"I'm so sorry, Miss, that I hurt you. I didn't mean to

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed it, and hope the suggestions help. *Smile*

*Heart* Intuey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
House Lannister image for G.o.T.



The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/01/2024 @ 11:12am EDT
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