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Review #4740686
Viewing a review of:
 Elizabeth's Soft Play Incident! Open in new Window. [13+]
A young woman gets herself stuck in a hole in a soft play while looking after her niece.
by Kieran1998 Author Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Kieran1998! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Reading*This is a cute story. The situation was clearly explained so I could envision each scene as I read. You did a great job with your main character. I was able to get to know her through her words and actions. How many times has our pride got us into situations we didn't want to be in? *Laugh*

When she got stuck, I couldn't help but chuckle. You described the scene perfectly. I could see her legs kicking back and forth, with her bare side shining.

The close relationship between Elizabeth and her niece was also prevalent.

*Tackb* I do have a few suggestions below. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

Your intro doesn't need to be Non-E. There's nothing that may be offensive in your title or description.

Also, in your three genres, I would add drama, and action/adventure categories along with your comedy. Writing and Other does not pull in any readers. A lot of people find items to read by searching genres.

*Books5* glasses wearing

glasses-wearing

*Note* "auntie Elizabeth,

Capitalize all "Aunties"

*Bookstack* There's several places you need commas before the 'ands'

black tights and

top of it and said,

hole and after

backside and legs

wiggled and pushed

tights and joked,

*Notepady* as she then stuck her head

Delete 'as'

*Books2* half way

half-way

*Penb* but you keep enjoyed yourself

but you keep enjoying yourself

*Bookstack3* young girl quickly fixed

young girl quickly exited

*Peng* dress had blow up,

dress had blown up

*Bookstack2* before asking for as the

The above seems out of place. I'd delete it.

*Peno* "I'm so sorry miss that I hurt you, miss, I didn't mean but

"I'm so sorry, Miss, that I hurt you. I didn't mean to

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed it, and hope the suggestions help. *Smile*

*Heart* Intuey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
House Lannister image for G.o.T.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/01/2024 @ 11:12am EDT
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