"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Chaos

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Story Ideas

First Impression: Interesting way to brain storm your ideas for stories. I'm unsure if the author's intent is for multiple stories or an elaborate sci-fi world or fantasy world.

What needs your attention: In this sentence ending, "Hinata is shocked to see if fade in, and out, before realizing that she must be a spirt." I believe the intent was spirit not spirt.

There's a lot of white space which could indicate different story options but it's not totally clear to this reader the author's intent like after these sentences-

"ex. Naruto is talking to Tsunade, "YOU ARE A NUDIST" especially in this area the white space is unclear.

"I find a new lease on life," Tsunade says. When Shizune leaves, Tsunade starts jotfuly thinking about the return of Lord Hokage. Another area where the white space is unclear what the author is seeking from the reader. Also I believe the author intended joyfully not jotfully.

May I suggest you number the variances in the story so it's easier for the reader to referene back to what appeals and what doesn't.

What part I liked best: I chuckled when I read-- "I read a story by crocodile kuro called the fox's eye. In it Naruto gains the abilty to hypnotize someone, but only the fox can activate it at first. I have a funnier idea." because I'm from the House Florent in the Game of Thrones and we're foxes.

This reader preferred Hinta reminiscing about something when the woman wearing the green dress appears. What was Hinta thinking about? Were her thoughts the reason the woman appeared? I was also curious why only the first person to spot her could see her. What is jutsu and how is beneficial to her goal.

Overall impression: The author is seeking feedback on his ideas but this reader feels for the author to really gather input he needs to separate the different ideas and add mote information about the worlds his characters may reside.

The story ideas are interesting , curious to see what the author intends to go from here.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .