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Review #4740569
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Cupcake Trouble (Chapter 1)  [E]
A harmless prank backfires heavily, sending three teens on a run they never expected,
by MKB
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

An amusing and ironic tale of high school kids goofing off. I found it fairly interesting and kept reading to see how far along this opening chapter would take us.

Perhaps your subtitle should reflect only what happens in this chapter, rather than giving a spoiler on the rest of it. But that's up to you.

I don't see any major grammar errors or anything to correct there. I would suggest, however, that you change the item rating from E to 13+, considering the "teenage" bits and pieces of the story. It adds funny, realistic atmosphere, but it's not E.

The characters mesh well, from the grumpy teacher to the clever diner owner, and the different ways they interact with the students. I like how James subtly steered them into doing a less harmful prank while thinking they would have a lot more fun that way.

The setup leaves us hanging nicely, and overall I think it's a good opening chapter, arranging everything we should expect: the cast of characters, the situation, the triad of goals, stakes and obstacles.

It looks like a good story, and I probably will stop by the other chapters to see what else happens next.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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