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 Review #4739066 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| (4.5)| Hi Ghelatlishol  ,  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  I am reviewing your sonnet, "Invalid Item" , in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .Please remember these are purely my opinions, and any advice given is done so with the sole intention of being helpful.  What I liked: Firstly, I love to read sonnets. I have a lot of appreciation when I find that people have written one on this website. I tried the other day, and it was not good. They are difficult to get right, but you have done a really good job here. You have written some beautiful imagery. Your first line is perfection. That image of a "careworn mind" that is contorted from the weight on your worries is a great metaphor. I think most people will probably relate to that to some extent. I was curious about you choosing to "speak your life." Do you mean through your poetry, you speak about the feelings and experiences you have? Did I interpret that correctly? I like that sentiment. I like the way you say that you want to experience life, the pleasure and the pain, in all its glory. You aren't a person who can sit on the sidelines and watch as life slowly passes you by. I love that. That is how I like to live my life, too. But it sounds as though you have gone through your share of pain. For example, you say, "Fate keeps man in check; no one can find / Respite from its most tyrannical reign." I love those lines, but they make me feel you have had a rough deal, for whatever reason. Suggestions: My only suggestion is to just check the rhythm. Try reading the poem out loud to hear how smoothly it reads. The first line is perfect. It is iambic pentameter, and by the end of it, I was reading with that rhythm. But then, the second line doesn't have the same pattern and it doesn't have the same number of syllables. It makes it read a little bumpy, and there are a few other places like that in this poem. Your end-of-line rhymes, however, are perfect. Parting Comments; I enjoyed reading your sonnet. The imagery is spot-on, but just check over the rhythm. it's a good example of this tricky form. Happy anniversary! Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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