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 Review #4738870 |
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| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: Ah, but I have so many questions! The story feels like it is finished and yet, you leave some things unanswered. It’s a sign of a good story that I was invested in the main character’s fate and wanted to know what had happened to her. I assume this was a choice, not merely that you were close to the word limit or didn’t want to bump up the rating with a description of the ‘gory details’, but I felt cheated  You did a good job with the descriptions and I could imagine this scene well. The part where the main character explained what happened in the grocery store made me chuckle because I could feel the husband getting impatient with her telling her details he didn’t need to know at that point - it seemed very realistic. It’s difficult to have well-rounded characters in such a short story but the way you showed their interaction helped to make the readers empathise with them.  Suggestions: James head was full of questions and anger. I think you need an apostrophe to indicate possession. the whole sorted tale I wasn’t sure what you meant here, “sordid”, maybe? I don’t think the word fits here - she was telling him about the groceries at the time. in the livingroom Two words, “living room”, and you missed the period at the end of that sentence. took Marita by the hand and lead her I believe it’s “led” as the past tense of “lead”. You can wait right here in this chair we will come get you You need some punctuation after “chair”. I would suggest a period and start a new sentence with “We”. speak to her alone first." The Forensic RN said The sentence continues after the direct speech, so the period after “first” should be a comma and the sentence should continue with a lowercase “the”.  Final Thoughts: I thought the way you used the prompts (I assume that’s what they were, the parts in bold?) was quite original - putting all of them together, I probably would have come up with a happy or humorous travel tale, but the way you used them worked really well to create a totally different kind of story. I liked it!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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