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 Review #4738431 |
| Hi amy-Finally writing a novel.   HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  I am reviewing the first chapter of your novel, "Invalid Item" in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice given is done so with the sole intention of being helpful.  What I liked: I adored the friendship theme that runs through this chapter. Savvy and Perrin as best friends who live and work together, and who are devoted to one another. This is highlighted when Savvy, the Town Wizard, starts to get forgetful and has trouble remembering potions and spells. Savvy fears he will no longer be able to be the Town Wizard. Perrin, his dragon, flies to the snow castle of Sharan, the Dragon King, to ask for his help. His solution surprised me. He turned Perrin into a human so that he would have hands to turn the pages of spell books and to help Savvy with potions. This change was irreversible, Sharan warned Perrin, but the smaller dragon agreed. He gave up who he was and all his magical gifts just so he could save his friend's mind and save his happiness. That's such a great theme. I wonder where this chapter will lead. Do the remaining chapters highlight other chapters? Or are these two our main characters? It would be interesting to find out. At this point, I'm not sure what path the story will follow. There are a lot of possibilities. There were some descriptions I thought were fab. For example, "Savvy’s long, pointed hat drooped as he hung his head." There is something about that drooping hat that is really sad. It's a great image. The part that made me laugh out loud was when the potion Savvy gave the mayor to make his tomatoes grow bigger and faster actually turned the the fruit into a bunch of toads. You say the mayor found, "toads hopping gleefully over the dark soil." That's funny. Suggestions: A few typos/grammar points: "Savvy would forget the words to spells that.t he ..." You have accidentally placed a period, followed by a t, after "that." Also, "'There is nothing you can do, my friend,' he answered, 'It is just the way of things.'" As you have used a capital I in "It," it should be a period after "my friend." Or, if you want it to be a continuation of one sentence, you could change it to a small lower case I. Lastly, " '...people forget things that mean a lot to them,' he said sadly, 'I will ..." "I will" begins a new sentence, so it should be a period after "sadly." Parting Comments: I have enjoyed reading this chapter. As I mentioned, it will be interesting to know where this story goes. I hope we get to see much more of Savvy and Perrin. These two are wonderful characters. Thanks for sharing your novel, and Happy Anniversary! Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/21/2024 @ 6:11pm EDT