You did a really good job of providing a lot of context and Biblical reference points for your argument. For those who are familiar with the concepts you're discussing, I think it's a well-reasoned, and well-written piece that really makes your point well.

For those who are not familiar with Christian theology, it feels like this piece would have a hard time connecting. It begins with essentially an assertion that everyone's a sinner, and is incapable of fixing that on their own. And while that's not untrue, in my experience it is a viewpoint that takes a considerable amount of time and investment to get nonbelievers (or even some Christians!) to fully comprehend, and dropping that on the reader at the very beginning as a statement of fact could potentially make it difficult for some readers to identify with the valid point you're trying to make.

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this piece. Depending on your audience, it could either be a very effective way of presenting the Christian beliefs about sin in a succinct and clear way. Nice work!