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 Review #4737670 |
 | A Garden Rejuvinates  [18+] Zayda's aunt comes to explore the garden and they are visited by the ghost of her uncle.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: You have an interesting tale here and the first paragraph was a good hook. You introduced one of the characters but added a bit of mystery - gardening isn’t usually associated with a ‘chaotic onslaught’ of any description, so clearly you were hinting at something else. The following paragraphs then made it a little clearer, but you revealed the details slowly which, I thought, worked well to keep the readers guessing, and reading on to find out. I didn’t realise that this was part of a longer story until I got to the note at the end, but it makes sense - there was clearly a lot more to come. I did get a little confused at one point when I didn’t recognise who one of the characters was - Trace, whose grandfather was involved in the law case. I’m guessing you introduced him in an earlier chapter, and it became clear a little later who he was, but at that point, it made me stop and scan the story up to that point again to see if I missed something. It might be worth adding just a few words to explain who he is to the group of people in this story/chapter to stop readers like me, who haven’t read the rest of the novel, from tripping over the unfamiliar name.  Suggestions: I noticed a few minor errors: Her aunt listened and nodded taking it all in. I think this sentence needs a comma after “nodded”. They sat in silence for awhile. Two words, “a while”. poured forth in a silence lament “silent” Adwina shook herself, "Bring her to the kitchen." she told her brother I believe the comma after “herself” should be a period, and the period after “kitchen” should be a comma. Adwina lead the way “led” Adwina pealed back the blanket “peeled” Zayda asked not sure what to believe. I think there should be a comma after “asked”.  Final Thoughts: I did feel a little like I was thrown into the middle of a tale because there was clearly more to the story than you posted here, and not everything fell as easily into place as I would expect from a stand-alone short story. I don’t usually read novels online, but I'm tempted to have a look at the rest of this story, assuming it is in your portfolio, because this seemed like an interesting tale and now that I’ve read this teaser, I would like to know how it continues!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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