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Review #4737574
Viewing a review of:
When I Hear American Elegy  [18+]
I can only listen in disgust.
by Elisa: Stik or Treat
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi Elisa: Stik or Treat .

I'm Polter-JACE: Cruising ... , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "When I Hear American Elegy" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. You initially wrote this piece in 2004, and updated it last in 2011. With the advent of so many shootings that have made the news over the past 20 years, I couldn't easily pick out your specific subject. Perhaps an author's note would help your perspective for future readers.

I had a hard time keeping track of all the names listed--the film crew versus persons interviewed or to be interviewed. I'm guessing the file crew is working on several different stories throughout the story. But the title leads me to believe your story is about shootings, and not the more mundane news items.

Your ending regarding the musical elegy finally made sense. But the circuitous way to get just seemed like a series of turns that led nowhere in particular. The piece comes across a bit disjointed.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* The actual writing mechanics are done well. The dialogue moves your story along.    

         *Bullet* Name misspelled:  "But it could be worse," Brain interjects.  Brian

*Star* My Rating.  3.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

Non-Animated Angel Army Signature



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/17/2024 @ 9:43am EDT
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