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Review #4736862
Viewing a review of:
 
The Meltdown  [E]
Following a nuclear holocaust, is it ever safe to go outside? A Dialogue 500 Entry
by 🌕 HuntersMoon
Review of The Meltdown  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon
.

I'm Polter-JACE: Cruising ... , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "The Meltdown" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Your item came up on the Read & Review feature, and since I just wrote an article about punctuating dialogue for the Short Stories newsletter, I couldn't pass up your offering, Ken.

Great conversation. I wondered how many other couples in this new world were having a similar dialogue.

I checked ... carefully. Your dialogue punctuation is perfect. At least to these old eyes. *Wink* I would have used single quotation marks to encompass your speech. But using italics worked too.

I did see a spot that might need a tweak on your other punctuation. See below.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet*  This sentence bothered me. I wouldn't have used the ellipsis where you placed it. The pause would be stronger in another spot.  Why don’t you stop by the 7-11 … Oh, wait, there’s no 7-11 or any stores!”  Why don’t you stop by the 7-11? Oh, wait, there’s no 7-11 ... or any stores!”

*Star* My Rating.  4.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/20/2024 @ 10:55pm EDT
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