*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4736627
Review #4736627
Viewing a review of:
 
Life Moments  [ASR]
Life and the moments we face in our married life..
by sindbad
Review of Life Moments  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi sindbad .

I'm Polter-JACE: Cruising ... , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Life Moments" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I absolutely love this idea. What a great way to begin a marriage together. I wish I'd heard about this idea when my children married. Or for my marriage.

I wasn't a big fan of the individual lines as paragraphs. This made it harder for me as a reader. This distracted me quite a bit.

You dialogue read more like a script with the speaker being listed first. Using proper attributes such as Mother said, " ... " would be easier to follow.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* Except for the aspect with using paragraphs, I found no other issues with punctuation or grammar.    

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

Non-Animated Angel Army Signature



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/12/2024 @ 9:09am EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4736627