Hallo!
I visited your portfolio since it's your WDC Anniversary. The title, brief description and genres intrigued me so I clicked. (Nice play on 'fish' and 'bait'.)
Here are some compliments for you:
1. The story read well, I felt you were talking to me.
2. You kept the suspense, I didn't know what was to come though I kept trying to guess.
3. You made me smile!
4. I found no errors.
Here's where I'd tweak it a bit, if I were you:
1. WritingML - font, size, line space.
2. Last paragraph. I felt it would pack more punch either left out altogether or greatly edited.
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