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 Review #4734676 |
 | A Snowy Dawn  [E] Walking through the woods on a snowy morning...  |
  Hello, Fyn! Happy WdC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews" !  Overall Impression:You've managed to capture the essence of cold, warmth, beauty, and duty all within one poem. Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:Overall, the rhyme scheme and rhythm worked very well. The one line, "The dawn comes up to cardinal sound," didn't quite feel it kept the cadence. I tried reading it a few different ways, and every time it seems to be a syllable off. It does work if I drop the "i" from cardinal, pronouncing it "cardnal." Stylistically, I don't see this as a concern, but where I'm from the "i" is clearly pronounced. It's not make or break, just something I noticed. Content:You have excellent imagery throughout: gravity pulling the branches down due to heavy snow, the size of the fire defined by colour, the coffee pot not yet on, the 'gauntlet', the pound, the fall. It truly paints a vivid picture of this small glimpse of a morning walk. I particularly like the line, "meandering through happenstance." It completely sets the tone the narrator is conveying. Grammar and Mechanics:I found no problems. Final Thoughts:What a wonderful, vibrant scene you've painted (minus the fall. The fall's not wonderful. It probably hurt. But it's still vibrant!). Thank you for sharing your work with us! JayNaNoOhNo   My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim"
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You responded to this review 03/02/2024 @ 6:39am EST