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 Review #4734143 |
 | The Shy Porcupine  [E] A story meant to be read to young children.  |
  Hello, Barefoot Bob! Happy WdC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews" !  Overall Impression:You've done a great job of ensuring the story reads like a parable. Title and Description: The title is appropriate, especially for younger children. The description does its job by letting the reader know what kind of story they're getting into. Hook and plot:By the second paragraph, the hook is clear, and the young reader will want to know what happens to Prissy when she reaches the clearing to meet the other animals. The plot was solid and linear, without any unnecessary tangents. I wonder if the story is just a bit too long for younger children; I suppose that depends on the age you intended as 'younger children' and their reading level. I do like that you took the time to emphasize some of the more difficult words as a learning tool. Characters and dialogue:For a children's piece, the character's dialogue was fine, but at times, it was maybe a bit too wordy. Overall, I enjoyed the characters. Two things stuck out for me, though. The first is the name Prissy, which has negative connotations. Whether this was intentional or not, none of the other animals seem to think she's actually prissy - only dangerous. It set her up the wrong way; perhaps a different name would allow for more focus on the attributes from the beginning. The second thing is at the end of the story; Prissy is putting a lot of energy into trying to change the nature of her quills. While I agree everyone should do things not to hurt people, this is a physical quality, and I'm not sure children would interpret it correctly. She and her friends working on ways to adapt to who she is and finding workarounds while she continues to be careful might be a stronger message. Grammar and Mechanics:I found no problems. Final Thoughts:This is a well-written story with a good plot, and I do see where you were going with the message. It definitely reads like a parable, and it was a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing your work with us! JayNaNoOhNo   My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim"
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You responded to this review 03/05/2024 @ 9:55am EST