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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4733287
Review #4733287
Viewing a review of:
 Breaking an Entertainment  [E]
The narrator says that the group will learn a lesson. But one of the teens can hear them.
by Nikola Semanrus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This was a fun read, with an amusing conflict between the way the story is expected to go and the way the kids “hijack” it, so to speak, but I found it somewhat difficult to follow. You may want to change the name of either Lee or Leo, because I couldn’t keep them straight and it was hard to tell that Lee was a girl.

I would then make some simple formatting adjustments, like adding a space between each line of dialogue and perhaps even making the four different characters names in different colors so we can follow along better. The Courier “typesetting” font is fun and appropriate but a bit hard to see on some devices. Size 4 font is always recommended for easy readability.

Also, it’s best to get into the habit of including a word count within every item you post here. It’s a very important rule to observe when entering contests, and when you add it right at the top or in the subtitle it gives people the chance to know how long the item is before they get started reading it.

One final thing, it’s important to add a third genre to the item to ensure you have as many opportunities as possible to be nominated for a Quill Award. “Drama” would be suitable here.

I enjoyed reading this and look forward to anything else you have to offer us.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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