Hello Rand !

Welcome to Writing.Com! This essay of yours was featured in my "review a newbie" area, and I enjoyed it, so I'm here to give you review. I hope you enjoy it and find it encouraging and uplifting.


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
As a fellow vegan, I enjoyed reading your essay. Well done!

You kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end. Well done!



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

I think this essay would have been well-written by any standard, but considering you are only fifteen years old, I think you did exceptionally well. Great job!


I didn't know the things you shared about European honeybees. I plant a lot of flowers for the bees. I hope the ones I'm helping are natives.


I think that there's a lot of moral inconsistency in this world. Most people seem to ignore it.


I liked your examples of ways you go out of your way to be kind to insects.


I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical mistakes in your essay. Well done!


Your essay was interesting to me, logically laid out, and well thought out. Great job!



IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:
The only thing I'd suggest you change is to insert a space before each starting parentheses. It kind of distracted me each time, wanting to fix it. For example, in this sentence it looks like this: "For those unaware, most beekeepers use bees of the species Apis mellifera(European honey bee) to produce honey; these bees are not native to North America, but to Europe, Asia, and Africa, and are considered invasive in North America, Australia, and New Zealand." By adding the little space, it would look like this: "For those unaware, most beekeepers use bees of the species Apis mellifera (European honey bee) to produce honey; these bees are not native to North America, but to Europe, Asia, and Africa, and are considered invasive in North America, Australia, and New Zealand." I'm guessing that's how you were taught to do it? Maybe check a grammar book, as I'm not an expert, but most of the time in published books, I see a space there. I won't let this affect your rating though. Your writing is great.



CONCLUSION:
You have a scholarly writing style and heart for animals and I enjoyed reading your essay. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your time, heart, thoughts, and writing with the Writing.Com community!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler



*** WDC Angel Army Review ***



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .