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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4731614
Review #4731614
Viewing a review of:
 Bathtub Dilemma Open in new Window. [E]
Amidst the heaviness of life, this lighthearted poem is simply meant to evoke a smile.
by MJones Author Icon
Review of Bathtub Dilemma  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I noticed your item on the Read a Newbie sidebar and thought it looked like a simple evening read.

I always enjoy a good piece of lighthearted kid-friendly poetry, and this was right on the mark. It's something I would probably have memorized just for fun when I was a kid myself.

I would make just one small suggestion, to combine the four short lines into couplets instead. I believe that would improve the flow somewhat. But generally speaking I never have much to criticize about poetry; I consider it a flexible and highly subjective art form.

You might be able to submit this to Lornda Author Icon and her Humorous Poetry Contest. I'm not sure if she accepts items previously written. But this is definitely funny enough.

I like that it's also rather realistic; I can imagine something like that actually happening easily enough! It's written with a consistent meter and a happy ending, and I quite enjoyed it.

Another suggestion would be to add two more genres so that it's easier to find and so it has more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would suggest "Comedy" and "Experience" loosely speaking.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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