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Review #4714250
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Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me Open in new Window. [18+]
Till death do us part...
by Amethyst Snow Angel Author Icon
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Well, what can you expect from a guy named Darien? Something going wrong there straight away.

But the story, must get to the story. This may be because I suffer from the same affliction, but I'm not sure the story qualifies as horror. It seems to me that horror starts slowly, from bright sunshine and blue skies, and gets steadily darker and more intense, until the denouement springs the true horror from its hiding place and all the screaming can begin. In this piece, you have the nightmare, followed so closely by its recurrence in reality that the rest of the story is somewhat of a letdown. Even Fern's composed control over the scene as Darien attempts to do away with her finally, makes it seem that all suspense has been drained from the tale. We know Penelope's waiting outside to rush in and save the day.

I can't help but feel it would have been better to dump Darien's first attempt and to use the space instead to make everything start closing in on Fern, with little hints and oddities making her wonder if the dream could possibly be true. Then, once she's stumbled on something that leaves no doubt, Darien can emerge as the serial killer he is and either succeed in his intent, or Fern can escape at the last moment (the first is more likely for horror).

What I've learned in this genre is that we cannot afford to be kind to our characters. As the old rhyme goes:

Be nasty to your little boy
And smack him when he sneezes
He only does it to annoy
Because he knows it teases.

There's nothing wrong with your writing, no errors, no awkward phrases, and the flow and pace are fine. It's just this business of saving the worst till last, that's the secret of horror (and I'm talking to myself as well in this). So don't be discouraged - the idea for this story was fine. It just needs a little adjustment and it's a winner.

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