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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4714181
Review #4714181
Viewing a review of:
 The Night Shift Open in new Window. [ASR]
A 300-word short story that includes the line "you owe me an explanation."
by Jeff Author Icon
Review of The Night Shift  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
I like this and probably would even if I hadn't become somewhat of a connoisseur of flash fiction over the last year or so. It kinda breaks the rules a bit in that it doesn't keep the salient fact to itself until the last line, instead allowing the realisation to dawn gradually on the reader during the telling, but this works so well that it shows what rules are for - to be broken when necessary.

This gives a much gentler feeling to the whole piece - no rude awakenings or sudden surprises. In fact, that's entirely appropriate as the married couple come to a greater understanding of each other. To be honest, the only line that jars is the one required by the contest (as is so often the case - prompt setters can be so mundane at times). What we learn about the husband is that he's very understanding of his wife and for him to demand an explanation like that is just out of character.

Anyway, that's hardly your fault. The piece is well written, without flaw in grammar and technique and gets everything said within the word limit. I would suggest that you change Contest Entry as one your chosen genres for something more meaningful to the prospective reader, but that's about it.

Thanks for a most enjoyable read.

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Beholden


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