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Given: Sep 30, 2023 at 2:08am
Length: 1,104 Characters |
1,031 w/o WritingML
Hallo!
I came to your portfolio looking for something to review. The title and cover pic intrigued me, so I clicked on this one. The layout works well and the note about the form at the end is helpful. Maybe add a couple of genres ... ?
I love the poem.
In a few well chosen words, you've described the game of life! My favourite is the phrase 'chessboard of choices'. I also relate to the verse about Kings and Queens - people seeking power.
My only question is for the last verse.
I agree that something gets traded for short term gain, but is that a 'strategy'? People use strategy for short term gain, but what they lose is something bigger -- maybe peace of mind, or love, or long-term enrichment in some way.
Also, I know the form restricts the number of lines, but somehow I feel if it had been longer it would have gone deeper. Maybe do another nine lines? (I've seen limericks of 15 lines - three verses of five lines each following the limerick form).
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