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Review #4714019
Viewing a review of:
 She Was New Open in new Window. [E]
Witnessing the transformation miracle of Kelly M.
by C.E. Thieroff Author Icon
Review of She Was New  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear C.E. Thieroff Author Icon:

"She Was New" Open in new Window.. is a touching poem that narrates a transformation and healing process in the someone named Kelly. I find that this successfully conveys a sense of empathy and concern for her suffering and eventual recovery. However, there are opportunities to enhance the poem's structure, punctuation, and focus on theme and subject.

Structurally, the poem could benefit from a more consistent and deliberate use of line breaks. Breaking lines at strategic points can emphasize the emotional journey and add depth to the reading experience. For example:

"The first time I met Kelly
the pain was indelibly etched on her face,
as plain as the headlines in today's newspaper,
it caused me to shudder inside."

This structure creates pauses and allows readers to absorb each emotional layer more effectively.

Punctuation can also be refined for clarity and rhythm. Commas and line breaks can be used to control the pacing of the poem. For instance:

"When I hugged her,
I could feel the anguish,
it permeated my skin,
deeply into my soul."

This punctuated structure helps create a deliberate rhythm and allows readers to connect with the emotions being described here.

To shift the focus more on the subject and theme rather than the repeated usage of that interfering personal pronoun, consider using descriptive language and metaphors that paint a vivid picture of Kelly's transformation. For example:

"Her once sorrowful gaze,
now bathed in newfound light,
a metamorphosis complete,
a soul reborn in the night."

This approach keeps Kelly at the center of the poem while showcasing her transformation more vividly. I feel removing oneself as much as possible, while still allowing audience to connect to narrator, can create more appreciation of speaker. Creates a connection that is added impact to the emotive elements in these offerings like empathy that show true love, care and/or devotion.

In terms of poetic devices, consider incorporating metaphors, similes, or alliteration to add depth to the poem. For example:

"Her pain was like a heavy anchor,
dragging her spirit beneath the waves,
but she clung to hope like a buoy
in the tempest of despair."

These devices can enrich the imagery and emotional impact of the poem. It’s important to let a theme run through metaphor usage, helps overall with imagery, keeps focus on intent of your words attempted expression to connect with the message and overall experience.

She Was New is a heartfelt poem with its powerful message of transformation and hope. By refining its structure, punctuation, and poetic devices while maintaining a focus on the subject and theme, the poem can become an even more compelling and evocative piece of writing. I find there is something there, like a rough gem.

All the best,


Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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