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 Review #4713996 |
 | Drank from the Wrong Fountain  [18+] This Poem is about my struggle with addictions  |
| (4.0)| Dear Jen, I have rediscovered your poetry with "Drank from the Wrong Fountain" today and wanted to offer a better reaction with some feedback. been a long time. We started her at WDC around the same time. YYour poem explores themes of repetition, regret, and the struggles one faces in life. It's clear that your approach is to use a straightforward and concise style to convey your emotive message. The repetitive structure, with the consistent use of "Another," effectively emphasizes the cyclical nature of the speaker's experiences. This repetition mirrors the feeling of being trapped in a relentless loop of mistakes and regrets, which is a powerful thematic choice. The poem also employs poetic devices like rhyme and rhythm effectively. The rhyme scheme, particularly in the second and fourth lines of each stanza, adds a musical quality to the poem, enhancing its flow. For example, "Another wretched return" and "A part of my spirit smitten" create a pleasing auditory flow that reads nicely. I forget sometimes when I write, it can be for audience, as I have to take these things to readings. I really have to pour over the words, sound out, to be sure there’s no bumps in that road to cause tongue twisters. This poem's theme of spiritual and emotional turmoil is further emphasized through phrases like "A piece of my soul I sold" and "Another batch of His mercy given." These lines evoke a sense of inner conflict and redemption, which are central to the poem's message. That’s a good aim, helps connect and draw in a reader. Perhaps it can be relatable, therapeutic. Who knows. However, while repetition is a strong stylistic choice, it can become predictable and monotonous as a poem progresses. To fully avoid this with your poem, consider introducing some variation in the structure or phrasing to maintain the reader's interest. For instance, breaking the repetitive pattern in the final stanza could emphasize the hope or change the speaker is seeking. Actually, this poem could benefit from even more vivid and evocative imagery to immerse a reader deeper into those emotions and experiences being described. For example, instead of saying "Another blow to my body," you could describe the physical and emotional impact of these blows in a more detailed and visceral manner. One last note, as your poem does effectively convey a theme of repetition, it could offer a clearer resolution or insight towards the end. Readers often appreciate poems that leave them with a thought-provoking takeaway, pay off, or a new perspective on the theme you’ve presented. It is thought provoking, maybe elevate to a higher plain of consciousness. “Drank From The Wrong Fountain" is poignant and effectively conveys to me its themes through repetition, rhyme, and strong emotional language. If you do enhance it further, consider introducing some structure variation, incorporate stronger, vivid imagery, and maybe come up with a more thought-provoking conclusion. It was nice to have this look in, read again, and have something I could offer that might help you further. Sincerely, Brian Super Power Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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