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 Review #4713894 |
 |  | Oceanic  [E] A poem about how the waves of the ocean at night wash away the stress of the day.  |
| (5.0)| Dear David E. Navarro ,I came across this poem of yours, "Oceanic" , and gave it a read. I’m inspired to comment and offer my insights of your skillful writing.I was struck by how beautifully composed Oceanic is, as it skillfully employs poetic devices to depict the calming and rejuvenating power of the ocean at night. The poetic skill is evident in the vivid imagery and evocative language used throughout the poem. The opening lines immediately drew me into the speaker's experience, using the metaphor of "dancing upon the oceanic waves of despondency making faces at the moon." This metaphor not only paints a striking picture but also conveys the idea of finding solace and release in the vastness of the ocean. There’s a sense of completeness in nature, in solitude, making observations through somewhat spiritual connections, like appreciation in these moments. The poem effectively utilizes sensory imagery, allowing readers to feel the immersive nature of the ocean's presence. Phrases like "sweltering air," "pale moon salt-foam scrub," (so good) and "cool solitude of the quiet nighttime air" engage multiple senses, creating a rich and tangible atmosphere. It’s the poet’s prize, transporting readers there, to these real or imagined visions come to life through your hands that crafted with words. The poem's pacing is well-managed, mirroring the ebb and flow of the ocean itself. It builds a sense of tranquility and serenity as it progresses, aligning with the theme of finding relief from the stresses of the day. It’s renewal in its present state, like a car guzzling gas, a kid leveling up with new video game lives — it’s the scent of that apple pie baking in the oven. But in nature, it’s like purity, not man-made, but something spiritual, mysterious, yet explainable, if you get the gist of what hovers beyond the words of a poem lighting up your tablet’s screen. So much context, all a pleasure. Now, I push myself to find things the writer can consider with each review, not just slap on 5 stars, ring the bell and yell ‘order up!’ And on to the next. So, what I have… Areas for Improvement: 1. Clarity of Transition: While the poem generally flows smoothly, there is a somewhat abrupt transition from the speaker's initial experiences with despondency to the soothing qualities of the ocean. Providing a more seamless transition or a bridge between these two states of mind could enhance the poem's coherence. 2. Metaphor Development: The poem could benefit from further development of the ocean as a metaphor for stress relief. You might explore how the ocean's rhythmic waves symbolize the repetitive nature of life's challenges and how they can be washed away over time. 3. Specificity and Detail: While the poem effectively conveys a mood and atmosphere, incorporating specific sensory details or personal experiences related to the ocean's calming effects could make the emotional connection with the reader even stronger. And truly, you have a good handle on evocative expressions that burst from the page. The poem successfully utilizes poetic devices to convey that calming influence of the ocean. Maybe, the thing about transition between despondency and serenity could be refined, the metaphor of the ocean further developed, and more specific details included to deepen the reader's connection with the poem's theme. Though, pretty fine as it stands. Sometimes, observations with advice serves future endeavors. I know it helps me to deconstruct before I construct my own ditties. This was a pleasure and thank you for entrusting your words in this internet hamlet for consideration, Sincerely, Brian Super Power Reviewer   Sincerely, Brian Super Power Reviewer  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/28/2023 @ 5:47pm EDT