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 Review #4713750 |
 | Great and blue  [E] Spotting a large bird along the side of a creek--what was it?  |
| (5.0)| Dear Rapunzel I discovered your poem "Great and blue" on the review pages and wanted to read and consider for feedback."Great And Blue" captures a spontaneous moment encountering a bird while driving and reflects on the unexpected joys in life. I often have these types of revelations that cause me to put everything aside and just witness, at times like this. Your poem effectively conveys the sense of curiosity and appreciation for nature's beauty in an ordinary setting. What Works: Authenticity: The poem feels genuine and personal, creating a connection with this reader through the speaker's candid narration of the experience. I really connected. Imagery: The descriptions of the bird and the surroundings are vividly offered here. The image of the bird spreading its wings and taking off into the grey sky is particularly evocative. I love words that can help envision an image as I read. Pacing: I found pacing is appropriate for the contemplative nature of the poem. It allows the reader to absorb the moment and emotions in something like real time. Narrative: The narrative structure of the poem, recounting a real-life event, adds authenticity and relatability. And, as I said, I connected because I've done this, too. With every poem, I task myself to suggest places for improvement. Here's what I have: {c}1. Clarity and Flow: While the poem has a conversational tone, some sentences could benefit from improved flow and clarity. For example, the line "I don't think you're where you're supposed to be" could be rephrased for smoother readability. Though, nitpicking on statement, because it's true to what someone would say. 2. Stanza Breaks: Consider breaking the poem into stanzas to visually structure the narrative and guide the reader through the different stages of the encounter with the bird. I've experimented with line breaks in such a way that action is shown in the text. If you can find a way to make the read look and sound like a bird flapping, you've really done something. I can do waves, that's about it. 3. Exploration of Emotion: While the poem touches on the idea of joy in accidental discoveries, it could delve deeper into the emotional impact of this encounter. Explore how this moment affects the speaker on a more profound level. We're all affected differently, from questioning our own existence to relationships to the type of day it was. I usually try to end a poem somehow on that note, maybe even connecting with short words and phrases throughout. It gets deeper. Overall, your poem successfully captures a fleeting, serendipitous moment and offers a relatable reflection on finding beauty in unexpected places. If you choose to enhance the poem, focus on refining the flow, introducing stanza breaks, and delving deeper into the emotional resonance of the experience to engage the reader more fully. I still give it five stars because it is impactful as delivered. There are a few poems that are considered perfection. They get fives. Probably everyone used to teach a university level course. Some reviewers here are comparing everyone to Keats or T.S. Elliot. We/I grade on a scale here and what I go for is what moves me. And this does. I'm sure you no 'newbie' to poetry. Great job! Brian Super Power Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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