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 Review #4713204 |
| (4.5)| Dear Raygunner  Enjoyed considering this poem for feedback. Hopefully, I can do justice to it with my own words in response. The structure is important, but I always allow for poetic license, meaning that sometimes the message is more important than the structure. But a poem’s theme could be affected if the structure is flawed ...but I really did like. Word choice was important. Some poems use words that seemed out of place, but found that not to be the case here. Sometimes the right word in the right place is crucial to the entire poem and be really powerful. Ray's poem, "Accept," delves into a thought-provoking exploration of societal conformity and the relinquishment of individual agency. This poignant piece is filled with a powerful message and showcases a unique poetic style that effectively resonates with readers. The message of the poem is crystal clear—society often molds individuals into accepting norms and constraints, leading to a loss of freedom and self-expression. It vividly portrays the journey from childhood obedience to adult conformity, drawing attention to the gradual erosion of individuality. Your poetic style is concise and impactful. The use of short, declarative sentences reinforces the sense of inevitability in societal conditioning, making each line hit home. The repetition of "We accept" serves as a powerful refrain, emphasizing the theme and creating a rhythmic quality that lingers in the reader's mind. To make this poem even better, consider the following three improvements: 1. Expand on Specific Examples: While your poem provides a general narrative of societal conditioning, incorporating specific examples or anecdotes could add depth and relatability. This helps allow readers to connect more personally with your message. 2. Vary Sentence Structure: While the repetitive structure is effective, some variation in sentence structure and length could enhance the poem's flow and engagement. This could be achieved by incorporating occasional longer or more complex sentences. It creates a cadence and natural flow to the read. 3. Invoke Emotion: The poem could benefit from more emotional engagement. While it conveys a sense of resignation and conformity, adding elements of emotion or personal struggle could make it even more poignant and relatable to your audience. Regarding the assertions made in the poem, they largely hit the mark. It effectively captures the idea that societal pressures can lead to conformity and the loss of individuality. However, to make the message even more impactful, explore the consequences of this conformity in greater depth, such as its impact on creativity, personal fulfillment, and the potential for societal change. And, who knows what the future will be, but it starts now. Overall, "Accept" is a thought-provoking poem with a strong message and a distinctive style. With a few refinements to incorporate specific examples, vary sentence structure, and invoke more emotion, it has the potential to become even more resonant and a memorable piece of poetry. It definitely deserves a place in modern conversations from school yards and education to corporations and government arm twisting. You are rigid on form and to the point. It has an omniscient, experienced tone and and knows what it feels. It’s insightful and wise, in that regard. With this device, giving supporting statements for ‘you accept,’ it finishes with the ironic, ‘you accept that you must accept.’ There is truism in this. Defeatism. It doesn’t seem heavy-handed. It’s like clueing us in that we ‘adjust’ rather than accept. We can’t even unify to fight a faceless entity hovering over all. Life has other options in some scenarios. Gave me something to think about. A lot, in fact. Shhh, dystopian.  A pleasure to read and consider your great poetry for feedback.Brian Super Power Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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