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 Review #4712793 |
| (4.5)| Dear PiriPica :Thank you submitting "Stream" for the Red Wheelbarrow Contest. I truly love the opportunity to get to know each author/poet with their offerings, as especially described for particular contests, this one being a free-for-all. Its a personal connection that is made when someone steps up to offer a part of themselves to me, and I appreciate it and will take care of your words with the kindess that offered them up. And I want to do that author’s offering justice by giving them the best attention and most thoughtful words to show, I have taken the time to understand what you’ve crafted, in a way that I can respond in a humble, yet inspired account of words displayed in your poem. Hopefully I can highlight your work, please the poet. Reviewing is a way/medium to further the lens of a writer, considering whatever ultimate goal poets like you seek to achieve. Here I have found a poem that is a mix of personification and a human connection to nature, showing us the workings of a mind. What it has to offer. It’s a statement, like, please consider me, don’t underestimate me, and understand. By the end, fear, ending, destiny ultimately will play a hand. To structure, lines are short, to the point, but show flowing as well as expressing it in context. There’s imagery, but strong personification that allows this reader to feel something building before that thaw. I like to read end words of each line in a row. These punctuate pauses in a poem, grab the eye and imagination. What I also Noticed was some light rhyme, assonance. Not particularly lyrical to the ear, but it’s a frozen scene depicted. With that it's important to guide a reader's eyes as well as emotions in the way text is laid out. If feel, purposefully, the read quickens with short lines for that thaw releasing water. Narration theme calls the reader to listen, commands. Strong words. Some a bit snaggy like ensconced which was high brow, versus tinkling connected to snow and water which made me think of urination in snow. Slight snags that lightly distract a reader. Overall, this feels like a natural read, conversional, with some foreboding, and a call to action, to consider. Ultimately, it’s fate, it’s death that play heavy hands. Is it environmental, or is it how the writer considers life, coming to the end of that stream. My thoughts would be an open bay of blue…get lost in that merge, find joy, or heaven? Readers who connect can have feelings of their own, relate how they wish. This poem is broad in perception, could have a more pointed message, focused, but truthfully not. Who knows what the ending of life could be. Loose grip on our free will at some point? We don’t get to know -- unless it’s cancer or other worse case scenarios. Best message in “Stream”… In freedom there is fear, in new structures there is wonder. That is the building block for a solid poem. Thank you for your poem to consider and appreciate, with a thoughtful approach to address this reader with its context to subtely comment on life. I let you know that I am legally blind, probably known. Does not prevent me from reading and considering offerings, as I feel it is second nature in me to eagerly devour text and find hidden nuggets of gold shimmering within. And hopefully to let it shine without for other audiences to see impact your words have had upon this lowly writer/reader. Thanks again for participating, Brian, Super Power Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/20/2023 @ 10:58am EDT