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 Review #4712771 |
 | Immortality ! or ?  [E] good or bad  |
| (5.0)| Hello WriterRick, I was looking for a September contest to enter and saw you had the most recent entry posted for Intuey's First and Second Chance Contest. I took a peek and read your poem. It is my privilege to give you this review. Overall Impression: The topic is universal. You make a good case for mortality. From where I sit, each moment is a miracle. Just writing this review is a moment in the making. Immortality would have to have a lot of conditions to be inviting to me. What I like: Foremost the topic is thought-provoking. Active verbs and descriptive images contribute to a comfortable flow. Qualifying immortality as an “enigma” and a condition that “May yearn for a rest” where “Endless days may lose their vibrant hue” makes a case that mortality is preferable. I find that having less time does give more meaning to the time you have. The rhythm with the long syllable count is pleasing. Finding the exact words that rhyme has to be a challenge. Yet, the words you use seem like the ones that naturally fit. Reading the poem out loud gives it a full positive vibe. Each sentence is a thought unto itself. Each stanza is a small chapter in a larger story. All put together it is like an essay in favor of mortality. The supporting statements are convincing. Mechanics: I liked the use of commas where they were necessary to complete thoughts mid-sentence. It tells the reader to briefly pause when it is natural to do so, rather than traditionally at the end of a line. The spelling, grammar, and organization are beyond reproach. Suggestion: I am bothered by the title. The punctuation symbols look strange. I assume the symbols mean yes or no. It is unique, however, I would prefer words like perhaps Immortality-Yay or Nay. Thank you for writing a poem of substance. It is a universal subject I think about from time to time. There is no question that embracing each moment of your life is one of the keys to happiness. You are a gifted writer and I am sure have an above-average chance to win the contest. I was curious if you wrote it specifically for this contest or if it is a poem you had already prepared. Great job and as you always do, keep on writing! tracker
   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/19/2023 @ 4:24pm EDT