\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4712748
Review #4712748
Viewing a review of:
Ghost Circus Open in new Window. [18+]
Amanda and family live near an abandoned fairground. Is it cursed or not?
by Ms. TerrifyingTuber Author Icon
Review of Ghost Circus  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Thanks for inviting me to check out your story *Smile*

Phew. That was unnerving. I appreciate your ending; I can put up with a lot of scary as long as they make it out in some shape.

It's a logical and fairly realistic story, except I would point out that if the main character is a housewife with husband and daughter, she wouldn't have much free time at home - laundry, vacuuming, meal planning, budgeting, dusting, dishwashing, sewing, grocery shopping, running errands... Just a thought.

The word "rhinestone" is misspelled. ("dark green Rhine stone encrusted...")

I also noticed you slip in and out of past tense storytelling several times. ("I ask. Miss Langley blinks a few times.") It's always recommended to decide whether to use present tense or past tense and be consistent.

Overall you've built a quick and thrilling tale that responds well to the prompt. Good luck on your contest entry.

Take care and keep writing *HeartB*

Group Angel Army Signature

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/19/2023 @ 7:45pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4712748