Thanks for inviting me to check out your story

Phew. That was unnerving. I appreciate your ending; I can put up with a lot of scary as long as they make it out in some shape.

It's a logical and fairly realistic story, except I would point out that if the main character is a housewife with husband and daughter, she wouldn't have much free time at home - laundry, vacuuming, meal planning, budgeting, dusting, dishwashing, sewing, grocery shopping, running errands... Just a thought.

The word "rhinestone" is misspelled. ("dark green Rhine stone encrusted...")

I also noticed you slip in and out of past tense storytelling several times. ("I ask. Miss Langley blinks a few times.") It's always recommended to decide whether to use present tense or past tense and be consistent.

Overall you've built a quick and thrilling tale that responds well to the prompt. Good luck on your contest entry.

Take care and keep writing



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .