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Review #4712654
Viewing a review of:
When Hearts Bond Open in new Window. [13+]
Unknowingly, a fresh management trainee helps a poor family in rural Africa.
by Prof Moriarty Author Icon
Review of When Hearts Bond  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
I'm no great romance fan but this little story I like. It has local interest, awareness of foreign customs, and creates a setting with considerable authority while introducing characters of interest and believability. Abena in particular is very well drawn. That's no mean feat in a story of only 1,000 words.

You write clearly and well, without overly flowery descriptions and unnecessary diversions. I did find a couple of errors which I list below:

"I marveled her multiple-tasking" - should be "...marvelled at..."

"cause for complain." - should be "...complaint..."

Otherwise, I can't find any flaws, although I do wonder if the title is quite right. I mean, they didn't quite bond, did they? The differences between them were too great and the narrator chose to leave and never see Abena again. Perhaps the title needs dialling back a bit. Something like "A Fruitful Relationship." It tells no lies, has a funny angle on the initial stages of the relationship, and is not quite as serious in its implications. Entirely your decision, however.

Thank you for a most enjoyable read.

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Beholden


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