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Review #4712360
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Review of  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (4.5)
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I'm glad to see you here. You wrote a story that many people can relate to because this event could happen to many, many people.

In your opening sentence, you used the word [had] which showed that you were smart but something changed. This is good if you the character are no longer smart. I suspect the character is still smart but feels no longer smart because of the trickery. Or, was the character smart and now dumb?

In your second sentence you use the word [had] again which means to me you no longer have a sister, but if you write have then you still have a sister. You could change the sentence to include that your relationship with your sister changed. An example: My sister got along well until she entered school. She made my life a living hell. I get it--you and your sister got along until she entered school--what and why did this change, and why did she cause you distress, which are questions needing answers. Wanting to know these answers kept me reading your story.

What sign did the character see when arriving home? Is a window broken or a lock busted , or something else? You could use in a different manner in a sentence. (A sign of dread, the lock was... or A sign of danger, the window...

Your story is full of potential for creating drama, suspense, and maybe a mystery because I wonder why the friends wanted to rod the character.

[contest entry] should be changed to something else that fits this story so it can be found more easily by WdC members. Depending on if you expand this story it could be considered a detective story, crime story, mystery, thriller, suspense, drama, horrow if it changes in that direction, or several other possibilities.

I look forward to knowing more about this adventure story of sisters and friends interacting.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/18/2023 @ 7:51am EDT
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