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 Review #4711872 |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  And a happy anniversary from me too! I've always maintained that Zane Grey was one of the greats of American literature. And there's no shame in following in those footsteps. You tell a fine tale, sir, and a most enjoyable one to boot. It's a well told story, with few errors of grammar, many of those that do occur actually adding to the authenticity of the tale as the dialect of reported speech begins to meld into the narrative. I've picked out a few minor quibbles that you might want to attend to, but the story remains very good, just as it is. Like myself, you have a slight tendency to cram too much information into a single sentence. I understand completely how you want the reader to see what is happening, but it can get a bit overpowering at times. Here's an example: "He spurred the horse through unusually thick broom weed urging him toward a small stand of Mesquite at the base of another Texas mountain a half mile away to the northwest." Are all those facts really vital to the plot? Does the precise location of the mountain matter? Sometimes, for the sake of the reader's patience, we have to keep back some info and trust to the reader's ability to imagine things for himself. Then there's this that I don't quite understand: "...he worried with removing pain of the bouncing arrow." I think I know what you're getting at but it's not clear. Perhaps something like "he worked at removing the pain of the bouncing arrow." would work better. In the next sentence you repeat the word "pain," always a bit distracting for the reader. There are plenty of synonyms that could be used instead. In the following sentence, there's some info that doesn't appear to make sense: "...Indian woman who had evidently nurtured his wounds, and was protecting him, but was also concerned about the safety of his men." It's Hoot who is thinking this so why would he suppose that the woman had concern for his men? How could she even know about them and, even if she did know somehow, how would Hoot know that? It needs sorting out, I think. Finally, there's a minor niggle in that "along side" should be "alongside." In spite of these minor quibbles, the story is very enjoyable and reads well. It's been a pleasure to review it.    Beholden  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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