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Review #4711738
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of The New Old Job  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A situation that we've all faced at some time or another, I think. Which doesn't mean there's no story in it, especially since this one looks at what happens if the leap into the future is chosen. That takes courage that not everyone has.

It's a brave little tale and says it all well. Well written too, and that makes my job harder since the contest I'm currently involved in wants me to make suggestions for improvement. But I'll try.

Fortunately, I run into one of the things about modern writing that bugs me, crotchety old man that I am. This thing about writing a sentence in which each word becomes a sentence unto itself. Sure, it's supposed to indicate how each word is forced individually between gritted teeth, but it's still atrocious grammar. Allowable (just) in electronic communications between trendies, okay, but not in what we call literature, surely. That's. What. I. Think. Anyway. Just give the darn thing an exclamation mark at the end and be done!

Then there's this: "Her work email dinged at her, an escalations crying out for all eyes on it." An escalation (singular) means a rise or increase in something. But what is this email rising to? I think you mean that it's a rise in the tension and pressure, but it's not clear. Best find another word, methinks.

I notice that one of the genres you picked to describe the piece was Contest Entry. That's information that could be given in a Note at the end, thus giving you the chance to have a third genre choice that stands a better chance of attracting readers searching under particular genres. No one looks for contest entries.

These are all picky little comments and they don't detract from the quality of the piece. But, if you want it to be perfect...

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Beholden


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