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Review #4711725
Viewing a review of:
No Chance to Say Goodbye  [18+]
My first attempt at free verse
by Thaddeus Buxton Winthrop
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


And a happy anniversary from me too!

This is a powerful poem, whether your first attempt at free verse or not. I've not delved into your rhymed poetry at all but, on this showing, you really need to keep giving the free stuff a look-in. Of course, it was written over ten years ago so, for all I know, you may have written many more since. But I thought, just in case, you needed to be told that your talent definitely extends to free verse.

There are some pointers I can give you, if you're inclined to take my humble advice. It's a common mistake for new free versers to use ultra-short lines but it's a mistake. They're distracting for the reader, giving a sort of strobe effect to both the words and the meaning. This poem, for instance, would be easily and instantly improved if you were to combine much of it into longer lines, grouping thoughts, ideas, phrases, rather than single words. Just as an example, the last stanza can be rendered as follows:

"Nothing is lonelier than
goodbyes never said."

Of course, it's only my opinion and you're free to do what you think best.

Then there's the matter of the thin line between obscurity and being understood. Since we're writing poetry and endeavouring to put down in words things that are almost impossible to communicate, it's inevitable that there are times when we become obscure. But we should beware the temptation to hide the most sensitive parts of our being behind obscurity. It takes courage to be open about matters that are painful but in these are the finest poems of all. A lifetime is barely enough to break through all our defences but every step forward makes us the better poet.

This poem walks the narrow line I've described. There are moments that I don't fully understand but only you can know whether they're hidden through fear or can be opened to view. It's a hard choice.

I see that you modified this poem as recently as 2022. That makes me wonder what you changed at that time! But poems are living things, growing with us, so it's natural that we should tinker away, seeking perfection.

Finally, I have to mention your name. How wonderfully impressive and writerly it is. With a name like that, you're surely destined for greatness. So much better than the likes of me, who has to struggle along with a pseudonym like Beholden, all the while pondering on possible pen names.

And thanks for a wonderful read!

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Beholden


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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4711725