*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4710476
Review #4710476
Viewing a review of:
Becca Beats Virtual Quest  [E]
Becca is sucked into the game as she approaches the high score.
by Joseph
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Angel&Witch



Hello there, Joseph
This is a
GROUP
The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review! *Angelic*

I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"  Thank you for entering the August Sci-fi alternate reality contest. *Bigsmile*

Initial Observations:

You captured my attention introducing Becca as a true game enthusiast trying to capture the highest score. I knew this would be an interesting ride through an alternate reality. *GameBall*

Further Observations:

You did a good job following the guidelines shown in the prompt.

Described the scenes so the reader is brought into this world alongside the player? *BoxCheckB*

Be descriptive as to the character (the player) in the “new world?” *BoxCheckR*

The reader is taken into the world of the player and "sees" the scenes described.


Observations:

I enjoyed the descriptions of the styles of buildings and surroundings. An observation I have to share is that there is a little bit of repetitiveness in a couple descriptions.

Example:

"The landscapes within Virtual Quest are a testament to the game's advanced graphics. Lush, sprawling forests, towering mountain ranges, cascading waterfalls, and bustling futuristic cityscapes are just a few examples of the diverse environments you'll encounter.
Each one is painstakingly designed to transport you to a different realm entirely. As you explore, you may experience the warmth of a gentle breeze, the chill of a snowstorm, or the refreshing mist of a tropical rainforest."

Previous Paragraph:

"The architecture inside the game world varies from medieval castles with intricate stone carvings to futuristic skyscrapers with sleek, reflective surfaces. Every building and structure is meticulously designed, making you feel like you've stepped into different time periods and civilizations."


Either one or the other paragraph could be removed since the reader gets the vision from one descriptive paragraph. Perhaps take one descriptive paragraph and bring a particular level action Becca wades through in the rain forest or mountains so the reader is more involved with the game by showing the action experienced.

*ButtonForward* Some of the spacing format needs a little tweak. *Smile*


Parting Thoughts:

Will the player get back to reality or be stuck in the alternate reality forever?

You gave us the answer to that. I loved that you ended with a moral to the story that Becca has decided to spend more time in reality rather than chasing a game. There's more to life, indeed! *Crown*

Conclusion:

*Web1**Web2* Good job with the prompt. Suggestions as listed above.

Enjoy the festivities of WDC's 23rd Birthday! *Party*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/08/2023 @ 3:14pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4710476