Hello Luna !

Welcome to Writing.Com (WDC)! You joined just before our big anniversary / birthday celebration. It's a great time to be here! It's not usually quite so very busy though, and things will likely return to normal in October, so it's a great time to join the festivities, if you haven't already.

Your personal poem caught my eye when I clicked on "Read a Newbie" and because I'm looking for someone to review for Lilli's 5 item WDC birthday challenge (I forget exactly what it's called but you can find it in "Party Central," I decided to read it and give you a review. I hope you find it encouraging, uplifting, and helpful. PS: My Party Central link is near the top left column here. I use a computer though. It might be different on a phone, laptop or other setup.


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
You wrote a lovely poem that I enjoyed reading. Great job!

You engaged my interest well and kept me reading to the very end (granted, this isn't hard with a shortish poem but some people manage to lose me on the first line!).


MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

I loved your positive take on the aging process. I wish more people embraced it and were kinder to folks who are older and appreciated the great store of wisdom they bring to our lives and world.

My favorite line of your poem was the last, "Maturity's song, a beautiful view." Though I admit, this line struck me as very wise and true: "In youth, we chase what's bright and bold."

I really enjoyed your imagery and the core message of your poem.

You did a great job with your rhyming. It felt natural and appropriate to the tone and message of your poem.

I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical mistakes (or mistakes of any kind) in your poem.

I loved the positive ending. It made me feel like I was a wise, older person, looking at life from the top of a mountain with a lovely view.


IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:
In the spirit of helpfulness (and because of the rules of a review challenge I'm in), I have a few little suggestions to make your piece stronger. I'm having to dig deep for these as I really thought your piece was well done as it is though. So if you want to skip this part, no worries at all!


I wondered if this was a kind of form poem? If it is, it would be nice for future readers if you added the name of the form. If it isn't, you could just mention the rhyme scheme, which looked like aaa, bbb, ccc, ddd to me.

It's easy to see that your poem has twelve lines, but most contests around here (should you desire to enter your poem in one of them) require line counts for poems, so I'd recommend adding that below your poem. I usually do this with a "Notes:" header, along with the form.

This one isn't about your writing, but just to help you possibly get more readers, and, should someone decide to nominate this poem of yours for a Quill award, could let you get included in more categories. It's to add another genre to your poem. Right now you have "children's" and "adult." I wonder if there is more that you could add? Perhaps "experience" or "personal?" Just a thought/ suggestion. As the host of the review challenge says: "Genres help people find items to read/review and can increase your odds of being included in a Newsletter (because your item was spotted by a Mod looking for genre items) or even increase your odds of winning "The Quills" (because it can be entered into multiple genre categories for additional chances to win)." The Quill Awards are a big deal here. It's a great honor to be nominated, I think, and your odds increase with more people viewing and liking your poem.

I mentioned contests earlier and thought of one that this poem would be perfect for. I think it's free to enter. Just be sure to check the rules as I sure don't have them memorized. But your poem isn't long so I doubt it's too long and it is lovely and fits with the theme of the contest. I need to look it up though, so be right back. Here's the regular web link: https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/427318-SENIOR-CENTER-FORUM and here's the special WDC link: "SENIOR CENTER FORUM" . You should be able to click on either, if you decide you're interested. No worries if you aren't. And if one doesn't work, just try the other.

These are just my opinions and suggestions. Feel free to take what serves you and ignore the rest. I really do mean well and wish you every success.


CONCLUSION:
You wrote a lovely poem on maturity that I enjoyed reading. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your writing with the Writing.Com community!


May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler



*** WDC SuperPower Review ***



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .