Hi,

this nonfiction gives an insight into the workings of a teen's mind. It is a descriptive narrative showing the way in which the writer gained a girlfriend.

The subtitles make it easy for the reader to understand the events described in each section.
However, this technique makes the story more of an essay rather than a story.

The story needs revision with regard to punctuation and sentence construction.

A few helpful edits if you like.


"At first this was just super weird.'
(At first, this was just super weird.)

"I started to look at her differently, she was just started to get annoying to me, ..."

To retain clarity, this sentence could be broken into two.

(I started to look at her differently. I noticed that she was getting annoyed with me,)

There are several long sentences, which could be broken into two or more.

" reminicize on whats happened"

(reminisce about what has happened)

" anyway i wrote this because..."
(Anyway, I wrote this because...)

It reflects the thoughts and feelings of a teenager.

Write on!






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .