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Review #4709783
Viewing a review of:
A world without coffee   [E]
Mable accidentally found a substitute for her daily coffee
by Sumojo
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Okay, you caught me with that one - really didn't see it coming! Interesting story with a brilliant punchline.

Well written too. It keeps trundling along at a merry pace, nothing wildly outrageous but, equally, not without interest. You're very good at these domestic dramas, Sue, and it's not a common talent. I'm hopeless at that kind of thing and I don't know many who manage it well.

I'm supposed to make a suggestion for improvement so I'll mention the following little niggle. This is the relevant sentence: "No one, I went on the bus,” Mable said, as if she hadn’t been able to catch a bus for several years, owing to her growing fragility and diminishing memory." I know what you mean but I've read the thing several times over and I don't think it means what we think. As it stands, it means that Mable said the words in a manner resulting from her inability to take a bus ride for several years. The intent is that we understand that it's the narrator who knows that she can't take a bus, but it's too easily misunderstood and can result in confusion. It might be better to simplify it by saying something like, "'No one, I went on the bus.' I knew she hadn't been able to catch a bus for years etc."

It's a minor quibble, I know, but it allows me to meet the requirements of this exercise. Great little story anyway and a good laugh at the end!

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Beholden


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