Her Eyes Can't See Her [18+] Sudden temporary blindness could happen at any age. Why did it happen to Kimberly now? |
Hello, I'm StephBee and I am reviewing your story for
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. THE STORY Middle Schooler Kimberly Morrison has become blind, a challenge that invites her to explore inward the type of person she wants to be. WHAT I LIKED I liked how the author fit in the quotation inspiration quote into the story. The title was appropriate to the story. POV NARRATION/TENSE This is told in the third person limited from Kimberly's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. DIALOGUE There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. DESCRIPTIONS There's enough to set the scenes. SETTING TIME: modern day PLACE: urban setting This is something that is clarified for the reader. CHARACTERS Kimberly The story is a psychological examination of Kimberly's psyche, though I'm still not certain, as a reader, as to how or why temporary blindness overcame Kimberly, and perhaps that could be made a bit clearer to the reader. I thought Patrick was a good friend to Kimberly. MECHANICS I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to present the story. PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS For me, I thought this was a pretty heavy topic for a 12 year old in middle school, and I wasn't sure about the how the onset of the temporary blindness occurred. The opening engages the reader. Good luck in the contest.
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