Greetings Maddie Sunshine Stone ,  Welcome to Writing.com! I was pleased to read  "Invalid Item"  from your portfolio and it is my pleasure to give your writing a review.

   This review too is being offered as part of the first WDC Superpower Reviewers Portfolio Raid Review of 2023!    

January 7, 2023

  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
I love gently flowing fiction. Even action/adventure that can catapult one into a violent situation in a heartbeat, wins my favor best, when it flows casually. It lets me know the writer is confident, in control, and at peace with their story. Your story is one of those. It is so beautifully paced. It is written with a sweet gracious tone that I find comforting. It is easy to enter into Melinda's story.
 
  THEME
 
May we please take a journey to discover what "was" for our friend Melinda through the eyes of a now distant relative? Why yes, yes we can. As the story opens with a conversation between two strangers, we discover that each reveals a bit about what it is like to have family that is sometimes open about the stuff of life, and sometimes not. While this could be frustrating. It is more like a mystery and quest for our heroine, Melinda.


  STRUCTURE
 
The story is written in the third person from the point of view of the main character, Melinda. The story is conversational and light in nature. There seems to be deeper meaning behind the words spoken between Melinda and her "new" friend Cora. This creates some intrigue and gives each character more depth. The two are open to sharing what they know about life. This makes them extraordinary characters. That is how life could be, but isn't, and why fiction is funner than life sometimes. And because they could never reveal everything they know about life all at once, the story is set to be more than Melinda's discovery, but every reader's discovery as well. I like that.
 
  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was my favorite moment:

“'From what you’ve told me of her, your mother was a very smart lady. After your father passed, she raised you on her own, all while starting her own company. Did she make some mistakes? Sure, we all do, dear.' The woman gave Melinda a gentle smile. 'Leaving those things for you to find after she passed, though? That would not have been a mistake made by her. You said she had time to plan.'”

It is great to have really intuitive friends in our lives. It is a tremendous gift. But how about the occasional insightful stranger? Aren't they the best? They have no compulsion to tell you what you want to hear. They don't know what you want to hear. And while their "meddling" may seem to be just a way for them to excuse themselves from their own tests and trials, sometimes it is almost like they are heaven sent to give the clueless a clue. I have had so many of those intrusions in my life that I had to grin mightily as I read and reread this scene!
 
  SUGGESTIONS
 
I like how balanced and structured your story is. The only enhancement might be to add a bit of "coloring" to Melinda.

In the fourth paragraph for instance, you write that she is "stumbling" in her response to Cora's question. Her actual response gives the reader the same information. So, instead of telling us that she is stumbling, how about focusing a few words on her facial actions. A wrinkled brow, fingers pushing back a bit of hair, a blush, etc. A few words could add a bit of humanizing to the scene. I have a picture of Melinda in my mind because I knew a Melinda and she was beautiful, inside and out. A very complex person who didn't care for my poetry. But O how I... well anyway. Your Melinda may have some other physical, emotional qualities that would help your reader associate themselves with her in a stronger way. This would be most helpful early in our journey with her.

  IN SUMMARY
 
"Invalid Item"  begins with a prologue introducing the reader to Melinda, who is on a quest, and Cora, an insightful stranger. Through a conversation between these two travelers, we are introduced to Melinda's confusion of how and why her mother held back the details of an unknown part of their lives together, until it was too late to get clarity. Now she is on her way to visit an aunt she barely knows...and yes I will be reading more of Melinda's story!
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

~Kenword~ 
 




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