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Review #4675414
Viewing a review of:
 A Rose Upon The Sill Open in new Window. [E]
Just a random limerick I came up with in art class...
by AlyCatAuthor HAPPY 4th! Author Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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I visited your portfolio because it's your WDC Anniversary this month.

The title, genres and cover picture work well for this poem.

In your brief description, you call this a 'limerick' but technically, the poem doesn't meet the criteria for a limerick.

Well - what an unusual take on a rose! One usually associates it with young love, promises, beginnings, proposals, celebrations ... whereas in this poem, you focus on what happens when things go wrong, and the rose - perhaps wilted - is a symbol of the errors made and their consequences. There is a lot left open to the reader's interpretation, which adds to the eloquence of the poem.

Suggestions:
1. It's your poem and you know best what works, but somehow I felt that the 'rift' came in too fast. The rose had hardly been touched and the relationship soured. I wonder if you could let the first verse be about the early bloom, and then maybe the disagreement comes in in the next verse ... ?
2. I'd suggest some WritingML like font, size, line-spacing, center and maybe colour.

Thanks for sharing this unusual poem!
- Sonali

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