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 Review #4664265 |
| Hello, aged! I'm dropping by with a review of your poem, "Invalid Item" . I hope you find it helpful. Please feel free to reach out with additional questions, if you'd like me to take another look after you've made changes, or if you have any feedback for me on my reviewing style! HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  Ready for your review??  Title & ThemeThe title is what caught me first and I knew that I had to read this poem. I love kitties and this seemed so intriguing. I wanted to know who this cat was. The theme of the poem and the way you describe this scene gives me a sense of a much larger setting and story, with no additional words needed. StructureI am impressed with the long, flowing lines of this poem. It reads like a narrative but is really just this small moment in time. Long lines can be hard to work with because there are more words to get right in the flow, and even harder when you give yourself the added requirement of rhyme. Wonderful job here. Rhythm & FlowAlthough you don't stick to a strict meter, you still have quite the pen/ear for rhythm. Your lines flow smoothly on their own as well as from one to the next. I did notice that the flow changed a bit in the third stanza, but I think it could be corrected just slightly by changing "possibly he's" to "he's possibly"? I changed that when reading the poem aloud several times and it seemed to help, but I am only one reader. RhymeI am thrilled that you decided to use near-rhymes in your work. When used well, near-rhymes can add much to the meaning of the poem and don't call attention to themselves too much because they are so close in sound to a true rhyme. The phrase "sophisticated stroll" is so perfect to describe a cat but would be difficult to rhyme, so your decision to choose a rhyme that was close worked very well, I think. Imagery & EmotionThe scene you paint for your readers here is beautiful. Although it is dark, during the evening hours as mist hangs in the air while you look upon a black cat, the scene is powerful both in a visual sense and an emotional one. Most "cat people" would relate to your lack of hesitation to give this shiny black cat a home should he not have one of his own. CreativityThis is a beautiful poem with a unique setting and theme. I love your unique voice and your skill in utilizing long poetic lines with a smooth rhythm. Very creative! Language/VocabularyAlthough there are strong poetic elements in this piece, it also reads as if looking out the window and musing at the scene below. Just long thoughts contemplating on the world as you are seeing it. Nothing more poetic than that, especially when you portray it that way. The language you use is the language of everyday thought and conversation with nothing overly complex or heavy. It matches perfectly with the theme and tone of the piece. Spelling/GrammarI did not notice any spelling or grammar errors. Most LikedI loved that I immediately envisioned sitting at the window and looking down at an alley and this cat. Then, you continued to paint this scene in more detail. The visual descriptors you've added are wonderful. Suggestions for ImprovementI felt as if the final stanza turned more toward your emotional connection and pondering and away from the cat and the scene you were looking at. I almost wished the poem ended with a vision of the cat and where he had gone or what he had done. Personal ThoughtsI thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem! You are a talented writer and I hope to stop by your port again soon! If you haven't already been recruited into the Angel Army, then check out this forum. Simply make a post in the forum or send an email directly to iKïyå§ama  ."The WDC Angel Army" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/15/2022 @ 2:37pm EDT